Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Is it because I’m black/brown?

The Sussex serious crime squad have been active again. Would you believe they have had a doggie ID parade – a line-up for their best/only eye-witness who saw ‘something black’ in a field at night.
As the Poodles’ owners or their solicitor were not present they were unable to verify if the police had managed to find similar-enough looking dogs for justice to be done.
For example – picking a black Poodle out of a line-up of West Highland White Terriers is much easier than picking the right two Poodles out of a line-up of eight of the same breed.
Plus you also have hair styles to consider – lamb cut or lion? Shaggy or clipped. Tight curl or relaxed…? Recently groomed – or four weeks of police ‘care’?
And how long did it take the police to track down their line-up of doggie doubles and how did they go about it? Did they hang about in parks saying can I borrow your dog – it looks like a criminal to me?
The police also accused Sussex’s most wanted (sorry I mean the Poodle owners) of tampering with evidence.
They claimed that the dogs had been washed!
Now I’m no expert, but I’ve seen CSI Miami. You slaughter a flock of sheep using only your teeth and paws and you’re not going to be able to wash off all the evidence!
The police took the dogs away for forensic testing and are now complaining that when the dogs were ‘arrested’ they were ‘pristine’.
Compared to being left ungroomed in a cell for a month, they probably were gleaming.
Isn’t there something called the Animal Welfare Bill now – something called Duty of Care.
Shouldn’t the police be questioning themselves?
Jill and Peter have a new lawyer who they have nicknamed 'the Bulldog'. They seem a bit happier and hope some day to stop being criminals - to get back to organising dressage competitions and doing agility with their dogs.


Jon M said...

Weren't any of them wearing glasses or a 'distinctive top' at the time?
This has all the makings of an ealing comedy except I don't suppose it's very funny for owners or dogs really!

Beverley Cuddy said...

I was wondering if they actually confined their line-up to dogs. As the eye witness just saw 'something black' in a field, in the dead of night, in the wind, in the rain, from some distance they should have also included bin bags, black sheep, big black cats, people dressed in furry dog suits (in my experience they're an odd bunch, those furries have strange habits - I've seen them on youtube) examples of topiary caught in the wind...
And were all the dogs wearing their collars? Did they buy them matching ones? And how did they get all the dogs to stand in a line to look at the two-way glass?

Jon M said...

Maybe they've got a big catalogue (dogalogue?) of mug shots front aspect, side profile. Imagine someone leafing through "...no...no...no...wait a minute! That's him officer that distinctive scar, the cigarette at a jaunty angle..."

"Are you absolutely certain?"
"Well it was dark..it could have been a bin bag!"

Jon M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jon M said...

Sorry I posted that last one twice!

Beverley Cuddy said...

Didn't Viz used to have a character called Black Bag (it was based on Black Bob from the Beano)- I think that used to worry sheep come to think of it...

Anonymous said...

This is so stupid what poor little doggies the problem is the police don't seem to have a clue and it is easy just to blame the first doggies that were out then did they not think it could have been a fox?!? DDA is rubbish!what a waste of police time and the poor dogs should be home after there adventure not in some cold kennel god bless them as for that busy body who said she had seen a 'brown dog' she was probably just wanting a bit of the action I work in a call center and you come across people like this all the time! (probably a cat owner) I hope the Crow family are complete again soon bless them all x Lucy x

Anonymous said...

I know a Bearded Colin that used to worry sheep. Is it usual for this breed to be that way inclined? Or is it just his breeding?

Badger said...

Oh my gosh! Anonymous, reveal yourself. I know a Bearded Colin too. Could this be the same one? Surely there are not two of this rare rare breed.

Badger x

Beverley Cuddy said...

If it's the same Bearded Collin, he does wear a lot of brown. Seen at night, through a gale he would seem to fit the eyewitness report! Come on Colin, give yourself up - let the innocent Poodles go free.